Today the lab's newsletter announced that a new Director has been chosen:
For months, the search committee tasked with finding a new Fermilab director has been looking for someone dedicated to exploring the mysteries of space and time. In the end, they said, the choice was obvious.
On July 1, the Time Lord known as the Doctor will join Fermilab as its new director, replacing outgoing director Pier Oddone. The Doctor is the first non-human to head up Fermilab, and at more than 1,200 years of age, he is the oldest director in the lab's history.
It was his extensive experience, as well as his vague yet somehow still impressive educational background, that tipped the scales in the Doctor's favor, members of the committee said. This despite the fact that none of the members could determine with any certainty exactly what the new lab director's doctorate is in.
"After facing down Daleks, Cybermen and the Master, I can't think of anyone more qualified to take on a congressional budget committee," Oddone said. "I think the Doctor is a perfect choice."
The lab's new director made an impression early at his first meeting with the Director Search Committee, materializing out of thin air in a blue wooden box. He then announced that muons do, in fact, turn into electrons without decaying into neutrinos, that muon spin is in fact outside the parameters of the Standard Model and that all of the antimatter generated in the first seconds of the universe was rerouted into another dimension by the Sontarans, as part of a dastardly plot to enslave mankind.
"A plot that I foiled, I might add," the Doctor said, straightening his bow tie. "So, what are we building next?"
Though the Doctor's boundless enthusiasm and implied credentials won over the search committee, not everyone at Fermilab has been swayed by the eccentric new director.
"What? Doctor who?" said Deputy Director Young-Kee Kim. "I've never heard of him."